A Suicidal Hamster?
by Blue Skyes101
Summary: Tom convinces Alex to sleep over one night at their school, and the two discover a shocking  well, really not that shocking at all  secret about their class pet.  All humor, with a teeny tiny side of plot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider.**

A Suicidal… Hamster?

"Why did I agree to this, again?" Alex wondered, following Tom down the road to their school.

"Because I'm your best friend, and you love me." Tom said helpfully. "And because I'm so totally awesome." Alex just looked at him. "Or maybe because I might happen to have pictures of you––"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Alex glared at Tom again. "You know, blackmail is illegal. And I work for the government…"

"Not officially," Tom argued cheerfully, skipping down the road excitedly. "Besides, you like me too much to off me."

"Yet," Alex grumbled under his breath, maneuvering his sleeping bag into a better position on his shoulder. Alex Rider, yes, THE Alex Rider was going to have to spend the night at his school. Why? Because his best friend was insane and had leverage.

Alex sighed again. "Why do you want to spend the night in the same classroom we're just going to be in again in the morning for class?"

"Because," Tom said, as if it were as obvious as the fact that the sky was blue or that pineapples don't wear bathrobes, "Haven't you ever just wanted to spend the night at school and then wake up in the morning without even having to leave the room at all before class starts? You'll be the first one there, and you'll never be late."

"…No, Tom. No, I haven't."

Tom rolled his eyes at Alex's apparent lack of imagination. "Well, besides, you know how Mr. Blechley **(1)** has been riding me about being late all the time?" Alex nodded. "He wanted me to come to school earlier and stop being late, so here I am. Besides, can you imagine it?"

Tom took on a very heavily accented British accent. "'Mr. Harris, what are you doing here at this hour?'

'Well, Mr. Blechley, you said you wanted me to stop coming to school late, so I spent the night at school.'

'You broke into the school?'

Just you wait and see; the look on his face is gonna be hysterical."

"Wait," Alex stopped and looked at Tom, a growing sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. "_Broke into school_?"

Tom gave a small laugh and avoided looking Alex in the eye. "Well, that's another reason I needed you to come. With you being a resident super spy and all, I was kinda hoping you'd be able to pick the lock."

"Tom!"

"I know; I know, Alex. But come on, buddy; I need to prove a point here. Pretty please help?"

Alex sighed and rubbed his forehead with his hands. "Fine. If I don't come, you'd probably just do it anyways. Except then, you'd get caught and suspended; and I'll have to eat lunch by myself for the next week and a half, dealing with the stares and the idiots at our school coming over to hassle the druggie all day. And, quite frankly, I don't think I can deal with that without punching someone and getting _myself_ expelled."

"I'll take it," Tom crowed happily.

Alex rolled his eyes. They turned the corner and walked up to the school. Alex made quick work of the lock on the gate with the bobby pin supplied by Tom, which Alex did not want to know why he had. They jogged up to the building, and Alex picked the lock on the door too.

They walked down the dark, eerie school hallway. It was strange being back at school at night. Alex didn't even spend that much time here during the day. It was practically a whole other world, a time of space separate from reality. Maybe it was the lack of teachers or impending feeling of doom coming from students who knew they were going to fail today's big test and would spend the rest of their lives flipping burgers for a living.

They softly walked down the hallway and to their homeroom classroom. Alex had to drag Tom away from the girl's bathroom, which Tom insisted contained the "the secrets of the universe, or, at least, to getting a date." Alex swiftly broke into their classroom and walked in, turning on the lights.

Tome went over to greet the class Hamster, Harvey, while Alex put out his sleeping bag. "What are you doing, 'Lex?" Tom asked, coming over. "We just got here; you can't be going to sleep already."

"Maybe," Alex said slowly, as if talking to a child, "I wouldn't be going to sleep right now if you hadn't decided we had to get here at one in the morning."

"I had to wait until my parents were asleep to sneak out," Tom defended himself before muttering, "Not like _they_ would have noticed if I hadn't waited, though."

Alex looked at Tom in sympathy, ignoring his friend's mutterings, because he knew Tom didn't want to talk about that. "I know; Jack almost caught me. I shudder to think of what she's going to do to me tomorrow. The things I do for friends."

Tom laughed. "Come on; she'll just murder you for leaving without telling her, and then she'll laugh."

"I left a note."

"Then she'll laugh," Tom said, completely sure of himself.

Alex just shook his head and muttered something that sounded like, "Ignorance is bliss…or stupidity, one of the two. …Probably the second. Yeah, definitely the second," under his breath.

Tom skipped over and pulled out his sleeping bag, too, and looked over at Harvey. "Does he look a bit off or something to you?"

Alex rolled his eyes and turned off the lights before crawling into his sleeping bag with a happy sigh. "He's a hamster. He always looks a bit off, Tom. Now go to sleep."

Doubtfully, and with one last glace at the hamster, Tom acquiesced. He was just about to drift off to sleep, when,

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

"Alex, Al, Al, A–"

"_Yes_, Tom?" Alex asked irritably – why he'd even hoped for some sleep, Alex did not know.

"Did you hear that?" Tom asked, panicked.

"Yes, I did, Tom." Alex yawned.

"Well, you're the spy guy; what was it?"

Alex sighed and thunked his head down on the ground in exasperation. "The school is old, Tom. It was probably just the plumbing or something. Nothing's going to jump out and murder us; I swear."

"If you say so…" Tom rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, when,

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

"Not a word, Tom," Alex ordered sleepily before Tom could say anything.

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

Tom barely kept from yelling over to Alex.

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

Tom's eye twitched.

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

His eye twitched again.

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

"Alex!"

"Fine, fine," Alex rolled over and got up to investigate where the sound was coming from, knowing he wasn't going to be able to get any sleep until it was figured out. He walked around the room quietly.

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

Curiously, Alex walked towards the sound, which drew him near Harvey's cage.

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

"Tom, get over here." Immediately, Tom complied, getting up to come stare at the hamster. They watched as the pet climbed up the side of the cage to the middle of the top part of and then just...let go. He did it again and again while Alex and Tom watched.

_*scratch* *scratch* *thud*_

"Al," Tom whispered triumphantly, "I told you he looked off."

They looked at each other before bursting into hysterical laughter. "A suicidal hamster!" Alex gasped out, "Maybe he needs psychiatric help!" Alex continued laughing, but Tom stopped and looked thoughtful.

"Maybe he does… You know, a good psychiatrist costs a lot of money…"

Alex groaned and reached over to turn on the lights; he knew he wasn't going to be getting any more sleep. Here comes the insanity.

The entire school was abuzz with gossip. For some unknown reason, _Alex Rider_ was sitting in the hallway outside his homeroom class in a sort of makeshift stand with a sign on it saying, "Donations needed. Save Harvey the Hamster; help him get the help he needs," And a picture of the class pet, Harvey, on it.

Who on Earth could understand what went through a druggie's head, but the druggie's best friend. People had gone looking for Tom, hoping to figure out what was going on without having to talk to Alex, only to find him standing guard at Harvey's cage.

When asked, Tome refused to chat, saying that he needed to watch Harvey because he was, "On guard duty to make sure he didn't do it."

Eventually, one nameless girl walked over to Alex's booth, where he was waiting expectantly. Everyone was afraid to go other because of what had happened to that last bully who'd tried to pick on Alex and the fact that he was rumored to be both insane and a druggie. As soon as she got there, Alex gave nameless girl a bright smile.

Hmm…maybe he wasn't crazy or a drug addict like everyone thought. He was cute, too. Nameless girl reached into her wallet and pulled out a twenty. "So, like, what exactly is the donation for?" she asked.

Alex smiled brightly again. "Well, you see, last night, Tom and I caught Harvey, the class hamster, trying to commit suicide. We both immediately agreed that he needed counseling, but, as I'm sure you know, psychiatric help is expensive. Thus, the donations."

"This is a donation drive for a hamster." Alex nodded happily in response. "To get said hamster counseling." Alex nodded again, just as happily. Nameless girl just stared for a few seconds before saying carefully, as if she was afraid Alex would whip out a chain saw and massacre the whole school, "Well, here's a twenty. And, and…feel free to use as much of it as you want on yourself."

Alex looked completely aghast at the thought. "I couldn't. Harvey needs the help more than I do."

"You know what," she pulled out another ten dollars. "Just use this on yourself, okay?"

"If you're sure…" Alex said uncertainly, as if wanting all the money to go to Harvey.

"I'm absolutely sure," Nameless girl assured him before walking numbly away.

Alex called out a cheery, "Thanks for your donation!" as she left.

…Maybe you _could_ believe rumors.

Alex and Tom walked home in high spirits, pockets heavy with "donations." Their drive for Harvey had earned them a solid 450 bucks throughout the entire day. Apparently, most of the people who donated had been under the impression that the money would go towards Alex getting help; and people had been swift to donate.

(Especially that one secretary who had teared up every time Alex said, "It's for Harvey," and had kept repeating, "Of course it is, you poor dear, of course it is.")

"Hey, Al," Tom looked over at his friend who was whistling happily. "Was it okay for you do to this? I mean, it wasn't breaking any sort of 'Super Spy Code,' or something, was it?"

"Please, Tom," Alex rolled his eyes. "They train us spies not to have any set of morals at all." He said this sardonically and a tad bitterly.

Tom felt a shiver go up his spine at how true what his best friend had just said was. He ignored it, though, and turned to shove Alex into the mud to lighten the conversation but failed as Alex dodged him; and Tom fell in himself.

And Alex just laughed.

**Author's Note: (1) That is what I have decided to name their teacher. **

**The whole suicidal hamster thing actually happened to a friend of mine. Apparently, hamsters aren't supposed to do that, so she just took it back to the store. Needless to say, the story inspired me to write this insane little oneshot. Hope the characters weren't too OOC. Thanks for reading, please leave a review if you feel like it.**


End file.
